Everyday Life

Children's Books, Everyday Life, Parenting

For The Love of Valentine’s Day: A Redefining

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I am probably not qualified to be writing about Valentine’s Day. You see, I’m one of those people who has nothing but good memories of this holiday. Yes, you can hate me right now if you really want to. When I was a kid, my parents gave me sweet gifts, my dad treated his wife and three daughters like princesses with flowers or chocolates and even perfume one year, and my friends and I delighted in filling in those boxed, pre-made Valentine’s for each other. (Funnily enough, my husband gave me a Valentine’s Day card when I was about 7 because we were at the same church Valentine’s Day function for kids. I still have it, though I have no idea why I kept it since I really had no feelings for him until ten years later. It has a skunk on it, but I ignore that part.)Then I spent a few early teenage years taking the knowledge that I have a Lover of My Soul very seriously (shout out to Amy Grant), and then I started dating the romantic guy I ended up marrying at age 20. So you are allowed to think I have no room to encourage you on Valentine’s Day.

But let me write this as a parent or simply a caring individual (sort of?) instead of a person in love. Because Valentine’s Day is not going anywhere. It’s going to come around every year, and every year your Facebook and Twitter news feeds are going to blow up with “I hate this day” posts sprinkled with “I love everyone in the world and especially the hottest guy in the universe who happens to be my awesome amazing boyfriend/husband!” posts. Every year the stores are going to fill up with red and pink paraphernalia. Every year you’re going to have to decide what to do with this day. So why perpetuate the love-hate relationship with the Day of Love? Redefine it.

Grab your kids, your friends, or just your favorite play-list and do one of these out of the ordinary actions to display love that goes beyond the romantic version:

1. Load up on baking supplies and bake, bake, bake. Then deliver your goods to whomever comes to mind first: neighbors, parents, your friend who hates Valentine’s Day, the widow who used to live next to your grandmother, whomever. Pick a person, any person. Well, if you’re a single lady, maybe don’t pick the guy you’ve been hoping will ask you out. I’m far from an expert on the dating scene, but I’m pretty sure that’s a no-no.

2. Grab everything that looks like fun in the $1 section of Target or Michael’s and let your kids go wild with making Valentine’s cards. Let them pick their recipients and follow through with that whole actually sticking a stamp on it and mailing it. Even if it’s late, it will be worth it! Seriously, it’s okay if they pick out a box of pre-made Valentine’s featuring Disney princesses or Sponge Bob. Any little token will mean a lot to someone that isn’t expecting a Valentine from your children. Teachers, store clerks, librarians, aunts and uncles, friends, whoever your kids think of. If anything is true about kids, they’re better at sweet thoughts than grown ups, so give them free reign here. Let them choose who they will bless with their Valentine’s Day creativity.

3. Make sure the people you live with feel the loved. Breakfast is my favorite time of day to do a special meal (thanks to Happier At Home by Gretchen Rubin for that idea). Get out the red paper doilies, find some kind of make ahead recipe or buy a little something from the bakery the day before, or just put red food coloring in their milk. Whatever. I’m planning on making this recipe for my fam’s breakfast tomorrow, but I know I’m being a little selfish here since I’m the one who is in love with homemade cinnamon rolls. Still, I don’t think they’ll complain.

4. Plant a tree. Be a hippie. Love the Earth. Build or buy a bird feeder and hang it up. And then please, for the love, tell me all your secrets on keeping squirrels out of it.

5. Deliver those clothes you’ve been meaning to donate to the homeless shelter. Or go out and buy something to donate for the homeless shelter. February is a rough month to be homeless. I love giving kids the chance to pick out some things they don’t need, too, to give to needy families.

6. Visit a nursing home. I’ll be honest, this one unnerves me. My social anxiety does not end with a certain age group. But I know some people who really love taking their kids to visit the elderly and I think it’s worth doing. If you aren’t sure you can handle a nursing home, how about just visiting anyone you think could need cheering up? It sure beats movies and a carton of ice cream.

7. Adopt a dog/cat/hamster. I am not an animal lover, but if you are, I’m guessing animals appreciate a home whether it’s Valentine’s Day or not.

Love You Forever8. Gather your small children and read one of those books like Love you Forever that are pretty much impossible to get through without choking up. Pick your favorite children’s book about love (Guess How Much I Love You, You Are Special, your favorite Bible story about love, or any number of others) and share your love through books.

9. Sing loudly for all to hear. Kidding. Unless of course, you’re a great singer who’s holding a concert on Valentine’s Day.

10. Don’t forget your significant other if you have one. I’ve noticed that even couples who scoff at the holiday want this day to be at least a little different from other days, deep down inside. Pick up a pizza so your wife doesn’t have to cook, clean off your husband’s night stand, shave your legs or face, I don’t know. I’m sure you can think of something that doesn’t involve the schmaltzy stuff you’ve sworn off.

Really, there are so many different forms of love in this world, can we not see past the Hallmark junk and shed some light wherever we are on a day that could be pretty awesome with a little bit of effort? I’d like to think so. I definitely won’t be doing all of these suggestions (especially not numbers 7 or 8!), but just picking one is enough to forge a new definition for Valentine’s Day.  I am fairly certain you can think of a dozen other (better) ideas to make Valentine’s Day about caring for others instead of about wishing for love ourselves. If you do, I’d love to hear what you and your family or friends come up with.

Children's Books, Everyday Life

Warm Reads for Winter Days

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I heard on the radio yesterday that no one in the U.S. outside of cities in the northern mid-west (Chicago, Minneapolis, etc.) is allowed to complain about cold weather right now. Basically, if you don’t live in Chicago, you’re not that cold.

                    Dear Radio Station: I live in the deep South, and I’m cold.

I also heard it’s colder in most of the U.S. than it is in Alaska right now. Well. The Alaskans definitely got the better end of that climate change.

Today where I am, the temps aren’t expected to get above freezing; I am so thankful I have nowhere to go. I’m also thankful we did our library run earlier in the week and are well stocked with books to keep us entertained through the cold weekend.

Fritz and the Beautiful HorsesThere’s really nothing better to read on a cold winter’s day than a book by Jan Brett. Her Scandinavian-inspired illustrations contain furry animals and rosy-cheeked children and beautiful, warm-looking boots and skirts and mittens…ah. It’s almost enough to make you think you’re warm yourself. Our favorite right now is Fritz and The Beautiful Horses. We read it for the first time this morning, and then both children asked, “Can we read it again?!” Fritz is a furry, short-legged pony who longs to be ridden by children. However, he has the misfortune of living near a walled city that is very proud of its beautiful horses, and only allows the most beautiful to come in. Fritz gets his chance to prove himself worthy, though, and shows the citizens that beauty isn’t the only thing of value in a horse. After the second reading, Isaac, aged 2, said longingly, “I would ride Fritz every day,” and Ella said, “Me, too!”

Cowboy Small (Lois Lenski Books)Another book we’re enjoying this week is Cowboy Small by Lois Lenski. Isaac has been asking over and over in the last week, “When I grow up, can I be a cowboy and ride a horse?” Any time your little boy asks to be a cowboy or pilot or sailor or fireman, it’s time to check out the Mr. Small books. Lenski takes readers through a day or two in the life of Mr. Small doing his work with her trademark illustrations and a few interesting details about whatever profession Mr. Small is working at in that particular book. The airplane one is a bit long for our attention span, and a little dated, but the other books are just right for a curious two-year-old boy. 

RoxaboxenFinally, we just discovered Roxaboxen. Yes, we live under a rock. This book is on everyone’s favorite children’s book list, but for some reason, I thought it was a poem book (which my kids are not fans of) so I never picked it up. But last week I said, “Everyone should like poetry!” and checked it out. As you probably already know, it is not at all a poetry book. Roxaboxen is an imaginative book about a group of children who make a barren hill across the street into their very own town. Roxaboxen brought me back to the days when my sister and I used to cut through the wisteria vines and thorns in our backyard woods to make “rooms” in our fort. Every kid needs a fort, even if it’s just in a closet of your city apartment. So if you’re looking for a great poetry book for kids, I can’t help you. But do read Roxaboxen, because it’s delightful. And make sure to check out other books illustrated by Barbara Cooney.

Kirsten's Surprise: A Christmas Story (American Girls: Kirsten, #3)For longer chapter books, we love to re-read chapters of Little House in the Big Woods and Little House on the Prairie to make us appreciate our modern comforts and imagine what it’s like to be really cold. We haven’t made it to The Long Winter because I’m just not sure Ella can handle the…longness. I’m thinking Ella and I will read a Kirsten book from the American Girl series this afternoon for school. There’s more Scandinavian warmth to be had in Kirsten Learns A Lesson and Kirsten’s Surprise. I don’t know if I’m really on a Scandinavian kick, but I sure would like some lingonberry jam on crepes right now…

After you read some books with your kids, you need some music to get them (and you) dancing around and burning off energy/calories. We’ve been listening to the Frozen soundtrack in every waking moment for a week now. I took Ella (4) to see the movie on Sunday, and she had the whole soundtrack memorized by Wednesday. It was her first movie theater experience. We had to do a good bit of processing all the drama in the first few hours after the movie, because Ella is a very perceptive and emotionally sensitive 4-year-old (in the best possible way!), but then she decided she was a fan. Can I just say how thankful I am for a Disney Princess movie that features warm clothing? Now I can say, “Anna wears long sleeves!” when I’m trying to convince Ella to put a shirt on under her dress-up dresses. She even wears tights and boots! Awesome.

So that’s how we’re surviving the ice age/weekend. I hope you’re staying warm and reading lots of good books, too!

 

Everyday Life

The {UN}Word of 2014: Progress Not Perfection Part 2

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Unperfect is not a word. But it’s the 2014 un-word that I claim. And not because it seems like it should be a really easy un-word to live up to. That’s not why I choose it. Here’s why….

progress

If you read my post on how I’m feeling about New Year’s resolutions, you know my motto for this year is “Progress, Not Perfection.” Twenty days into 2014, that’s still the goal in my mind.

But…

There’s another goal that fights with the progress side of things, one I must have been born with. It’s called “The desire to appear perfect.” And its motto is “Only noticeable progress, thankyouverymuch.” Yes, I have a performance issue. I don’t like to display my struggles, and it gets me uptight when I realize that I don’t have a choice on whether to show them or not. Because let’s be honest, the fact that I struggle to stay on top of dishes, to organize anything, to be a good friend, or to maintain some semblance of a blog is clearly on display. And the display bothers me. And then to admit that I’m working on some area of life, without having any noticeable progress to show for it? Well, that really bites.

But I’m not supposed to care about that in 2014, right? I’m supposed to only care about making progress, not achieving perfection, or even appearing to achieve perfection. Still, I’m simply not convincing the performance driven person inside of me of any of this. “Progress, schmogress,” she says. “No one would even know you spent any time cleaning this house right now. You can also consider Willard Power Vac to clean chimneys . No one would know you mopped when you can’t see through the dust swirling every time your kids jump on the couch. No one cares that you actually washed, folded, and put away three loads of laundry when you can’t see the carpet through the wooden train tracks and puzzle pieces. No one would know you made three square meals…okay, judging by the dishes still filling the counter space, yes, one would know. No one knows you read 5 books this week because you haven’t blogged about it on your book blog and why would you even tell people that, you lazy woman? And people won’t even notice the progress you’ve made with your two-year-old’s attitude towards his peers when they see your daughter’s glare when she doesn’t like what you say.” I pay attention to that voice, for some reason.

Listen, I know I’ll never arrive. But can’t I just look like I have? That’s what’s going through my head these days. I want progress, and I want it to be noticeable. I listen to that voice when I should slap it in the mouth.

I’m always fighting this inner battle. I’ve spent a lot of my life giving in to the performance driven me, and –news flash to me –it’s never gotten me anything but a fleeting self-pat on the back and a large load of long-lasting guilt.  You and I, individuals who are doing our best to accomplish truly worthwhile things, need to daily refuse to listen to that voice that tells us nothing we do actually measures up to progress. We need to keep celebrating positive motion and encourage ourselves when we fail instead of beating ourselves up. Because our goals are important, and they’re more important than what our efforts look like. Goals to parent, to train, to nurture, to befriend, to love, to study, to create, to serve…these goals are a vital part of living a meaningful life, and my “progress, not perfection” mantra is not a bless-your-little-heart excuse for shrugging off failures. Because really, when it comes to these kinds of goals, failure is not an option. No, progress over perfection is supposed to be a way to realistically take steps towards goals I know are so big, I’ll never fully achieve them. I know that, and I have to admit that to everyone else. I’m never going to have it all together. But I’m going to have to set aside my desire to make myself appear to be Really Ridiculously Competent In Everything if I’m going to make real progress in my motives for success.

If you’re 20 days into your new year and feeling the pressure inside your head to perform, already, to stop being wishy-washy and get it all together, well, I’m right there with you. I’m claiming Unperfect as my un-word because I know that means way more than just flawed. What it means to me is embracing unperfect as beautiful. Unperfect is reality, unperfect is in every beautiful thing I’ve ever seen because nothing in this world is perfect. I’m always going to be a work in progress, and my work is always going to be in progress, so it’s always going to be unperfect and that has to be okay. Is it killing me not to write “imperfect?” Yes, but that’s just the point. This un-word, unperfect, it slaps me in the face and tells me to put away that red pen, quit criticizing and praising and drawing lines, and go make some progress on things that matter.

So what are you letting go of now that 2014 has begun? What’s your un-word? It’s a pretty clarifying way to think of how you can really change something in your attitude. I hope you claim an un-word for yourself. Read all about other bloggers un-words here and share your own!

Everyday Life, Reading

The End of an Era: My Barnes and Noble Is Gone

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My Barnes and Noble closed two weeks ago. I’m a little heartbroken. No, I didn’t really own it. But I’ve lived in the suburbs of a the same small, American capital city my whole life. I’m not even 30, and I feel like I already make those old-timer comments like, “I remember when there was nothing here but trees, and now there’s a Walmart!” This January, many of us in our suburb are making sad comments like “Remember when there was a Barnes and Noble here last week where we used to mix and mingle and be?” Or “remember when we were in high school and college and we would go and browse for an hour in that Blockbuster store that closed down last month?” For better or worse, it’s the end of an entertainment era in my hometown. I spent many a pleasant evenings in that Barnes and Noble, surrounded by books and coffee and my family or my friends, and later my boyfriend who was then later my husband, and most recently my children who loved that store. There are lots of memories there. Rather, there were lots of memories there.

It’s all very reminiscent of that movie I refer to way too often, You’ve Got Mail, when Meg Ryan writes to Tom Hanks about how her bookstore is closing. She writes that some foolish person will say it’s a tribute to our city the way things are always changing, but really, she’s devastated because tomorrow her store is going to turn into something really depressing, like a Baby Gap. Except for “my” store is turning into something even more depressing, a huge Nordstrom Rack. I went by a few days after they closed to take my daughter on a date to the Yoghut next door. It was surreal to see those construction workers taking down all the bookshelves and cutting wood to make tables for clothing displays. Ugh.

But I’m not sentimental.

Really, I don’t have any room to be sentimental. It’s my fault as much as anyone’s that bookstores are closing across the country. I’m the one going in and browsing, taking notes on what to check out from the library or download onto my Nook. I hardly ever bought anything bigger than a tall Mocha Latte in my favorite store of all time. I’m the one who has mounds of books that all came from used library book sales. I’m the one jumping on the free e-book deals of the day. I’m the one driving bookstores into the ground.

Good thing I’m not sentimental.

The one good thing that can come from all of this is there really needs to be a sequel to You’ve Got Mail. Now is the time for Meg Ryan’s character to open a quaint, Dickensian used bookstore and watch the conflict evolve as Tom Hanks’s character’s big box book store becomes obsolete in the wake of electronic book sales. I don’t know how it all should end, but I’m sure it’s great rom-com material.

I guess what it boils down to is a loss of atmosphere. The convenience of going right to a search bar and getting the exact book I want delivered wirelessly in seconds is a nice feature of the modern book era. But I want to browse and flip through real pages, I want to pick up movies and flip them over to read the synopsis on the back. I want to be surrounded by the possibilities.

When’s the next library book sale?

Everyday Life

Progress, Not Perfection: A New Year’s Resolution for the Weary

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Since age 13 or so, I’ve enjoyed making resolutions. Hard to believe, but I used to find to-do lists inspiring. I mean, I was crazy about resolutions. When I was fifteen, I got fed up with tears and resolved not to cry for an entire year. Yeah….I didn’t last the year, but I lasted about 5 months (and gave myself quite a headache holding back tears in the theater watching A Walk To Remember…not the best move). One year, I swore not to have a single soda for 12 months, and I made it 16 months. For a loooong time, I was addicted to a sense of accomplishment. I kid you not, one year I committed to tracking my calories every day, and I did it. Addiction may be an understatement.

journal-and-coffee-kay-pickens

It’s been a long time since I’ve met with any measure of success when it comes to resolutions, though. I still love the idea of a fresh page in my journal and a pen in my hand as I think about the great things I could do in the clean, new year. (“Isn’t it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it?”) But in the past two or three years, I haven’t approached dreaming up all the new things I will accomplish in 12 months with a thrill. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that “life’s got me down,” but I will say that life’s got me down on New Year’s Resolutions. How can you feel up to making New Year’s resolutions when you end the year feeling plain exhausted?

New Years Resolutions are all about expectations. And I am definitely expectant. I’m ecstatically expecting a baby in 2014.  And in the here and now, I’m expecting a lot more than a baby. Expecting a baby at the end of nine months means you wake up every day of those nine months expecting the hard parts of a baby growing in your body. You wake up expecting nausea and praying you’ll keep breakfast down. You wake up expecting to wish for more sleep and wondering why your feet hurt so much. You wake up expecting to feel like you’re failing the children you already have because you can’t bring yourself to serve anything but cereal again. It’s crazy how even after praying for months and months that God will grant us another child, I can forget how much joy my expectations should bring. I can forget the joy in the midst of expecting the hard parts of the blessing.

Let’s just say, I’m good about having expectations. Still, I’d like to strive for something more from myself than what my expectations look like in the every day. I’d like to, but how?

I am standing at the door of a new year, not sure that I did anything right in the previous year, and not entirely sure I can handle the very things I have asked for and am overjoyed about in the coming year. Can I handle three children, five and under? Can I handle potty training a little boy? Can I stay healthy and find some energy to be myself again for the next 28 weeks of pregnancy? These are things I’m expecting to come up against in 2014 that are non-negotiable. What with being overwhelmed by what are absolute, have-to-accomplish life goals, I’m having a hard time working up the stamina to think of extras. The season of “yeah, I’m going to run a three 10ks this year!” is so not right now for me.

progressThere’s only one road to resolution salvation for me this year, and it’s paved with three words: Progress, Not Perfection. That was my one resolution five years ago, all summed up in three words, and it was one of the best years of my life. I’m bringing those three words out and dusting them off for 2014. When I look at the subcategories of my life that need improvement–areas like home organization, time management, exercising, house cleaning schedules, writing, preschooling–I can say “Just make some progress. To clean chimneys you can also consider Willard Power Vac as they can help you in deep cleaning of chimneys. Any progress.” Then maybe I’ll be able to find some real way to improve a little, instead of feeling I should knock the whole issue out of the park with one fell swoop of the resolution bat.

I’m joining the growing throng of people who are saying, “I will approach 2014 with grace–grace for others and grace for myself.” I don’t think it’s a great idea to approach any new thing without some type of goal, but approaching with unrealistic goals is just as bad. Make some crazy goals if it’s time for that in your life, but if you’re where I am, consider seeking progress instead of perfection in 2014. Just a little progress can go a long way when you’re feeling unsteady.

Or maybe if you’re feeling shaky, you should make some useless resolution like no crying for a year. Yes, I realize those resolutions I used to be so good at making and keeping were completely worthless. Please, let’s all resolve right now to make resolutions that at least count for something in the grand scheme of our lives.

But really, if you’re starting 2014 feeling unsure, I pray the coming weeks and months in 2014 will bring you to a place of strength. Thanks for reading and for making 2013 a great year to start a blog. =)

-Mia The Reader